I am feeling sad today. Let's just say that the stress levels around the McMahan house are BY FAR the highest they've ever been. We both feel like we're trying our darnedest - only to be buried by another round of ammo. This higher level of stress has caused an unusually high number of unnecessary arguements that would otherwise not exist.
I feel sad that I'm not as strong as I thought I was. It turns out that I am not always as fun as I thought I was. And that I'm also pretty difficult to have a serious conversation with.. I am extremely emotional, defensive, and just plain worn out by never feeling okay with choices I've made. I am lucky to have Scott, who I can lean on.. but I also feel like I've placed huge burdens on him that he just cannot handle or should not have to.
This is all very personal and really only written down to remind me of the good times.
I feel selfish when I want to have a good time. I feel dumb for expecting this to be easier. I want to jump up and down and scream and cry and scream some more until my throat is sore and my fists are red.
My wish, today, on this sad Monday is that Scott could know that being so sad has only temporarily changed me. I hope to be fully recovered from this sadness in a short time, so that I can get back to being a supportive, loving wife and an energetic, adoring mother.