Thursday, March 5, 2009

How to Avoid a Smackdown

OOO-EEEE I'm stressed today! Boss Lady is a dill weed (yah, I said it. Dill weed!), my health insurance is going up (for the 2nd time in a year) (YIPPPPIEEEEE! HOORRRAAYYY!), and my hormones are all wacky. I think I'm just in the mood to pick a fight with somebody!
Wanna fight me?

Yah, I know, none of you want to fight a pregnant chick. Can't blame ya. I already tried picking a fight with Hubs, but he's not really in the mood to fight. (EVER) My CAT, Elsie, tried to start somethin' with me this morning... (sliding her paw underneath the bathroom door to attack my foot while I put on my mascara - causing me to let out a scream like in a bad horror movie) I SO should have put on my boxing gloves after that and met her outside, but she has claws and grose cat teeth and stuff....

Hubs tells me that sometimes I just want to pick fights with people. To that I say: NOT TRUE! But, actually, it is true... because I'm a WOMAN! (and a PREGNANT one at that!)
So, to any of you that would wish to stay on my good side.... (and not get your a** whooped by a mommy-to-be) I suggest the following:
*A donation of 1 -2 boxes of Samoas Girl Scout Cookies (preferrably wrapped in some sort of festive paper, for that added surprise)

*Two words: Back Massage

*Lies, Lies, and more lies about how simple pregnancy will be (I'm not too good for a little white lie every now and then. Sometimes the truth really does hurt.)

*Financial donations are always appreciated (no.. not a bribe to prevent that smack down) (okay, maybe a bribe)

If you are not prepared to offer ATLEAST one of these things, then I will meet you outside by the jungle gym.


  1. Yeeps! I think I'll be hiding over by the kickball diamond until you give birth, thankyouverymuch!

  2. Nah, you're lucky Sassy.. because you provide something that I left off of the list = HUMOR. Plus, I think this is just one of those days... hopefully the other 5 months will not be so bad.

  3. Ahh, you're just at the beginning of this journey, Treener Beaner. I will be glad to commiserate with you over an ice cold beer in about 6 months. If you're not breastfeeding. OR, if you want the little tyke to sleep good.

  4. Mwaaaaah! Bloggy smooch to you for letting me off scot-free with just a little bit of silliness.