Dearest Office Printer,
Oh, how I love the sound of you finally taking your last breath. It's sort of a Squeek Squeek Ugh Err Riaeee Squeeeek. I do enjoy that sound very much. Please, please just give up, or I will be forced to pull the plug on you. If you can't manage to print just 5 copies, you should be replaced. I'm sorry. I'm a cold-hearted biotch.. but I'm also very done with you. I know that, secretly, you're in love with the printer guy who comes and fixes you when you've got a paper jam. (which has become 3 or 4 times a week) But, I hope you don't think that he will always be there to change your ink, or to replace a belt.. cause pretty soon, we're gonna just let you break. (verryy soon)

Love always,

The chick who feeds you paper