Posted October 17, 2008
I'm bored at work today, so I thought to myself ---Catrina, you should write in your blog today!--- so here I am. Uhhh... yah. So, I've sat here and stared at this blank page for over 10 minutes, trying to come up with something interesting..and ... completly nothing. Scott and I are moving into our house this weekend. Yay!!! That's interesting!! I can't wait to feel that feeling of starting this new thing together. I'm really thrilled at the thought of cooking our first dinner together in our house, where the sink works and we can sit and eat and watch the leaves fall from the trees. There are so many trees around the house. We don't have much furniture or really even that much stuff. I like that a lot. Who wants to move in box after box of trinkets and randomness? Not me. Not Scott either. Boxes of stuff don't make us happy... we make eachother happy. Maybe he'll let me pack him up and label him TRINA'S.. then he can pop out of the box all sexy like..... and... hmm.... haha.. okay.. moving on....
I find it comforting that everything that was a stressful thing in my life, such as moving, is no longer stressful. Scott makes everything okay. Maybe the fact that I've gained a new addiction to tea has made everything less stressful. ? Could be. I've forced myself to drink Green Tea, and you know what? It's fabulous. It cleanses my whole body, perks me up, and makes me pee about 10 times more per day. (that last part is the only down side) Speaking of cleansing my body, I have not smoked a cigarrette in exactly one month! Awesome. It's still pretty hard some days, when I'm singing in my car, with the windows down, and a truck full of people pull up next to me, each with a delicious looking cigarette hanging from their lips... mmmm.. those are the days that I want to jump out of the car and snatch the nicotine straight from their two fingers and inhale that cancerous-goodness. Then I remember that it's been one whole month since I've smoked; I can't turn back now. I can breath now... a strange and unfamiliar feeling. My bank account thanks me everyday, and so does my car. My car smells good, my clothes smell good, and pretty much my overall body probably smells a heck of a lot better. So, I'm sure Scott thanks me for that too. haha. So, screw you cigarettes! I'm done with you. I never needed you to begin with.. and I sure as hell don't need you now.
I'm still pretty amazed at the way my life has done a 180 since last year. In 2007, I invited bad, negative things into my life with open arms. I pretty much sent out invitations! I was the most pessimistic, sad, lonely, depressed, slightly suicidal woman that I've ever known. There were weeks that I could NOT stop crying. I'm not going to say that I created all of the negativity.. honestly there were a lot of horrible things happening around me and to me. BUT, I definately didn't do anything to change that. One day I just decided that I couldn't be sad anymore. Now I know that I will never be that sad again. Scott will not let that happen. I will not let that happen. I can't say how thankful I am, and how blessed I feel right now. I can look back at that feeling and thank God for lifting me up out of that hole. I completely deserve to still be in that hole, but He pulled me out because of His Grace. Not only did He save me from myself, but He gave me the most beautiful person to hold onto for the rest of my life, who will hold my hand through the good and the bad. I know that I have to thank God every single day for the amount of love that he's given to me. Thank you, God, for today. Please watch over us as we move into our new house.. please help me to stay on the path.. I love you too many times.