Ramblings of an idiot

So, today was: attempt-to-talk-to-your-husband-about-your-feelings-and-end-up-making-a-fool-of-yourself Day!! It was awesome. Why do women try to talk about those things anyways? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus and really, on Mars they just don't talk about feelings. I'm learning. I'm growing. Which are both really good things, I think.. but, Man! The process sucks. Being married is new and hard, but also sweet and really great sometimes. I've got to find a way to communicate better. Clearly, I can communicate with myself nicely. (I believe this is blog-entry 236) But when it comes to communicating with someone I love, I tend to make a complete ass of myself and destroy any possibility of resolving the initial complaint. Please, Please, PLEASE tell me that this is just a girl thing and not a "Trina" thing. I have lots of "things", and really don't want to add to that list. Speaking of lists! I even tried to make one!! - about what the real issues were, before I tried to talk to my husband. I weighed whether the issues were something I could fix/ignore on my own - or if there were things that my husband could do better. In the end, I made my husband feel like I don't trust him - NOT TRUE. And, I kind of felt like maybe I should have just ignored the issues and they weren't really as important as I thought they were. That's all marriage is really anyways right, picking your battles?? For the first time in a long time, I thought - long and hard - for an entire week about the things that were bothering me before I brought them to his attention. I was sort of proud of myself for that - but I really just ended up madder and madder and kind of snapped for no reason. So, to wait, or not to wait?... who knows. I'll hopefully figure it out one day - and on that day we better still be happily married and this little thing should be put behind us. I was really worried about our relationship for a good solid hour - I was wondering why he wanted anything to do with me, and then began to believe that he didn't want anything to do with me. I'm still not quite sure what to believe.. but I know that he still lives here and he still hugged me and kissed me goodbye before going to work so it can't be all that bad.

What a ramble, eh?

You know how it is when all of these emotions are just dripping off of you and you need a place to vent?.. well, welcome to that vent. I just wonder how long it will take for me to grow up, get used to things, and get over some. It feels like an incredibly long journey, but I've heard that it's worth it.